People communicate with much more than words. In fact, over sixty-percent of what people communicate is not spoken at all, but is demonstrated for all to see in their body language. More importantly, while the words people use can sometimes lie, body language tends to tell the truth at all times. So, if you want to really understand what people are communicating, then you need to start listening with your eyes to what their bodies are saying.
One of the most influential modes of communication we utilize in our day to day interactions is our non-verbal, or body language. It is the mode of communication which ignites our “gut level” emotions and responses. Research has shown that acquiring an understanding of body language increases one’s ability to be successful at getting anything one wants out of any given situation.
Have you ever watched a couple sitting together and in minutes had a sense of how good or bad their relationship was? Did you ever wonder how you were able to come to this conclusion so quickly without any direct interaction? Whether you are aware of it or not we spend our days responding to people’s non-verbal cues projected through their body language and drawing conclusions about them from our observations.
Our body language reveals the truth we hide with our words from the world, including how we really feel about ourselves, our relationships, and our situations. Through our eye contact, gestures, body stance, and facial expressions the people we interact with can determine our intentions, the quality of our relationships, how masterful we are in any given situation, our confidence level, and what our true motivations and desires are.
The power of body language is found in the emotional response it creates. Feelings drive decisions and reactions in virtually every situation. Non-verbal cues trigger feelings which determine core assets of an individual such as: truthfulness, trustworthiness, sincerity, skill level, and leadership abilities. The interpretation of these cues can determine who we date, the job we get hired for, what level of success we obtain, and even who may be elected into influential political positions.
With such an important skill why don’t we spend years learning and developing effective body language skills? The truth is most people undervalue the importance of body language until they are looking for a deeper understanding of human behavior in a personal relationship, or to gain an edge in a competitive business situation.
Mastery of body language provides people with the keys to interpret the meaning behind specific gestures and body movement, as well as providing an understanding on how to project and communicate messages effectively when dealing with others. As a result, overall effectiveness in interpersonal relationships is greatly increased. The best way to begin this process of mastery is to learn the basic interpretation of the two core body language types: open presence and closed presence.
The closed presence body language type is featured in individuals who fold their body around the body’s center line, which runs straight down the middle of the body from the top of the head to the feet. The physical characteristics which create this type of presence are feet placed close together, arms held close to body, hands crossed on body or held together in front of body, small hand gestures kept close to the body, shoulders rolled forward, and eyes focused below eye level.
The messages sent out to the world by the closed presence type of body language is a lack of confidence, low self esteem, powerlessness, and a lack of experience. In extreme cases, one can even create the message of wanting to be invisible. The effects on the individual projecting this type of body language can range from simply not receiving the best opportunities possible to a worst case scenario of harboring a self-fulfilling view of victimization.
In contrast, the open presence is featured in individuals who create a sense of authority, power, and leadership by projecting confidence, success, strength, and skill mastery. The physical characteristics are feet held hip wide apart, open hand gestures used in conversation away from center line of the body, elbows held away from body, shoulders held back, straight stances, and eyes focused at the eye level of their listeners. These individuals are seen as attractive, successful, intelligent, and appear to have success come easily. We view this body language type as the “body language of leaders”.
To improve body language and begin to project an open presence, the key is eye contact. Eye contact is one of the most important communication tools we own. By using direct eye contact when interacting with others one can change the way people view them. When people begin to speak directly into a person’s eyes they are seen as confident, trustworthy, and skilled.
One of the most influential modes of communication we utilize in our day to day interactions is our non-verbal, or body language. It is the mode of communication which ignites our “gut level” emotions and responses. Research has shown that acquiring an understanding of body language increases one’s ability to be successful at getting anything one wants out of any given situation.
Have you ever watched a couple sitting together and in minutes had a sense of how good or bad their relationship was? Did you ever wonder how you were able to come to this conclusion so quickly without any direct interaction? Whether you are aware of it or not we spend our days responding to people’s non-verbal cues projected through their body language and drawing conclusions about them from our observations.
Our body language reveals the truth we hide with our words from the world, including how we really feel about ourselves, our relationships, and our situations. Through our eye contact, gestures, body stance, and facial expressions the people we interact with can determine our intentions, the quality of our relationships, how masterful we are in any given situation, our confidence level, and what our true motivations and desires are.
The power of body language is found in the emotional response it creates. Feelings drive decisions and reactions in virtually every situation. Non-verbal cues trigger feelings which determine core assets of an individual such as: truthfulness, trustworthiness, sincerity, skill level, and leadership abilities. The interpretation of these cues can determine who we date, the job we get hired for, what level of success we obtain, and even who may be elected into influential political positions.
With such an important skill why don’t we spend years learning and developing effective body language skills? The truth is most people undervalue the importance of body language until they are looking for a deeper understanding of human behavior in a personal relationship, or to gain an edge in a competitive business situation.
Mastery of body language provides people with the keys to interpret the meaning behind specific gestures and body movement, as well as providing an understanding on how to project and communicate messages effectively when dealing with others. As a result, overall effectiveness in interpersonal relationships is greatly increased. The best way to begin this process of mastery is to learn the basic interpretation of the two core body language types: open presence and closed presence.
The closed presence body language type is featured in individuals who fold their body around the body’s center line, which runs straight down the middle of the body from the top of the head to the feet. The physical characteristics which create this type of presence are feet placed close together, arms held close to body, hands crossed on body or held together in front of body, small hand gestures kept close to the body, shoulders rolled forward, and eyes focused below eye level.
The messages sent out to the world by the closed presence type of body language is a lack of confidence, low self esteem, powerlessness, and a lack of experience. In extreme cases, one can even create the message of wanting to be invisible. The effects on the individual projecting this type of body language can range from simply not receiving the best opportunities possible to a worst case scenario of harboring a self-fulfilling view of victimization.
In contrast, the open presence is featured in individuals who create a sense of authority, power, and leadership by projecting confidence, success, strength, and skill mastery. The physical characteristics are feet held hip wide apart, open hand gestures used in conversation away from center line of the body, elbows held away from body, shoulders held back, straight stances, and eyes focused at the eye level of their listeners. These individuals are seen as attractive, successful, intelligent, and appear to have success come easily. We view this body language type as the “body language of leaders”.
To improve body language and begin to project an open presence, the key is eye contact. Eye contact is one of the most important communication tools we own. By using direct eye contact when interacting with others one can change the way people view them. When people begin to speak directly into a person’s eyes they are seen as confident, trustworthy, and skilled.
Look over the following ways in which we convey what what we feel.
1) Aggressive: Showing physical threat
-Facial: frowns, pursed lips, sneers, snarls, holding a gaze for a long period of time (staring) or squinting, preventing the other person to see where you are looking
-Gestures: Insulting gestures (middle finger, chin tilts, etc.), mock attacks(shaking your fist, kicking the air, head-butts, banging table, throwing things – says this is what I’ll do to you), sudden movements, large gestures (whole arm sweeps, exaggerated movements of whole body)
-Attack signals: clenched fists, lowering and spreading of the body for stability, red in the face
-Exposing oneself: challenging the person – sitting with legs apart, looking away, relaxing and opening the body
-Invasion: moving into “friendly” space without the invitation. The other person either repels that advance or accepts domination. Invading personal space.
-Certain touching
2 )Attentive: Showing real interest (Listening and wanting more)
-Facial: holds the other person’s gaze, doesn’t blink often, furrowed brow (concentration)
-Gestures: Stillness (betrays internal thoughts and feelings), learning forward,tilted head, open body (open to what they are saying), slow nodding (fast can show impatience)
-Ignores distractions, phone calls
-Patience – listens to what the other person has to say without butting in
-Interest noises
-Reflect – matching body language or paraphrasing what the person has said
3.) Bored: Not interested
-Facial: blank face, tired (yawn)
-Gestures: distracted – looks around or at watch, repeat actions such as tapping toes or fingers, shows tiredness (yawn, slouch, lean up against something)
-Reasons: not interested or ready for action (like closing on a house – the people could already be ready for action)
4.) Deceptive: Seeking to cover up lying or another deception (anxiety, control, distracted)
-Facial: centered on anxiety and tension, eyes and/or muscles might twitch, sweating
-Gestures: sudden movements, changes in voice or tone, personal anxiety signals (biting inside of check, hands in pockets, etc.), signs of over-control (feigned friendly body language, forced smiles, jerky movements), remaining still (what they are saying and how they look does not align), pause to think about what to say or hesitate in speech (because of distracting thoughts), fidgeting, moving around, paying attention to unusual places
-Reasons for deception: Persuasion (an act intending to get another person to say or do something), Avoiding Detection (goal is to get away with something, avoid incriminating questions)
-Balloon Boy Richard Heene
5.) Defensive: Protecting self from attack (when a person feels threatened)
-Facial: flicking eyes from side to side (looking for a way out)
-Gestures: covering vital organs (chin down, legs crossed, arms over chest or face), arms held out to fend off attacker, barrier is used (straddling a chair backwards, a table, etc.), become small (huddle, arms and legs in), tense up, rigid
-Can show signs of submissiveness or aggression
6.) Dominant: Dominating others
-Facial: frowns, pursed lips, sneers, snarls, eyes hold their gaze for a long time, squint, look at other things besides the person (“you’re not worth it”), can look bored, amused, or any other expression that would belittle the person, don’t smile much
-Gestures: open stance, making the body big (hands on hips, wide stance, chin up, chest out), making the body high (height gives an advantage – sitting up straight, making yourself taller, standing above the other person somehow), by standing with hands on hips, invasion by the other party is not likely, breaking rules (invasion, interruption, casual swearing), ownership (flaunting), invading others’ spaces (body and belongings), belittling (interruption, criticize)
7. )Emotional: Identifying feelings
-Gestures:
-Anger (neck/face is red, baring teeth, clenched fists, leaning forward, invading body space, aggressive and power body language)
-Fear, anxiety, nervousness (cold sweat, pale face, dry mouth – licking lips, drinking water – not looking at the other person, damp eyes, trembling lip, varying speech tone, speech errors, high pulse – visible movement of crossed leg – tense muscles, fidgeting, defensive body language)
-Sadness (drooping body, trembling lip, tears)
-Embarrassment (flushed neck/face, looking down or away, fake smile)
-Surprise (raised eyebrows, widened eyes, open mouth)
-Happiness (relaxation of muscles, smiling, open body language).
8. )Evaluating: Judging and deciding about something
-Facial: pursing lips, peering over top of glasses, intense gaze (concentration)
-Gestures: steepled hands, touching the lips, stroking the chin or other parts of the face, relaxed, open body language, chin resting in hands
-Reasons for evaluating: Deciding (making a decision), Judging (you or something you are saying), Thinking (trying to process your info in their world)
9. )Greeting: Meeting rituals
-Gestures: handshakes (firm = dominance, using your other hand to grip the person = dominance, not letting them pull away), bowing (cultural, looking down means submissive, if eye contact is maintained it can mean distrust or liking),waving, hugging, kissing
-Facial: smiling = I am pleased to see you, frowning = I am angry with you,raised eyebrows = I am surprised to see you, eyebrows together = I don’t know your name, looking down = I am inferior to you, expressionless = I don’t care about you
10.)Power: Demonstrating power (strength and humanity)
-Facial: look around, holding people’s gazes, show you have emotion (Bill Clinton would bite his lower lip when confessing Monica Lewinsky)
-Gestures:
-Greeting: handshake – being the first to reach for their hand, grabbing their elbow with your left hand to pull them in – horizontal arm (being on top means dominance), touching (handshake, which can lead to holding the elbow or patting the back), guiding people by the small of their back ---Speaking: exaggerate your points with your fist or finger, stand confidently
-Walking: with exaggerated swing of arms, elbows out a bit to make the body larger, walk before people if entering an audience and leave last if leaving an audience
-Position: generally position yourself higher (sit on a higher chair, wear heels, stand over people, drive a big car)
11. )Ready: Wanting to act and waiting for the trigger
-Facial: Pointing- eyes may flash over intended direction
-Gestures: Pointing (body pointed to where the person is thinking about, the feet are facing the door, whole body leaning), Tension (hands grip armrests, legs are tensed and ready to life the body, attention is away from everything but intended direction), Hooking (hands hooked on clothing like belt loops or in pockets), Movement (legs uncross, hands grab bags, straighten clothing)
-Reasons: leaving, ready to buy, continuing conversation (want to get a word in), ready to fight (body getting into an attack or defend position)
12.) Relaxed: Comfortable and unstressed
-Facial: skin color is even and normal, mouth is relatively still except for a light smile, the mouth opens moderately when talking, the eyes smile with the mouth, relaxed eyes will look at the other person without starting but with little blinking, eyebrows are stable, forehead is not tense
-Gestures: Relaxed body (Torso might sag slightly to one side, shoulders hunched, looks relaxed, not fearful, though. Breathing is slow and steady),Relaxed limbs (hang loosely, don’t cross, relaxed limbs (arms) move smoothly, no jerky movements, if arms are crossed, they are crossed loosely, hands gesticulate openly and gently, legs may be stretched out, tapping to music, crossed but not wound around one another, legs can be a sign of tension when the person is controlling the upper body (are legs tense and wound around?)
13. )Submissive: Showing you are prepared to give in, can be a sign of fear
-Facial: chin down (protecting the neck), looking down to not make eye contact, widening eyes to look more vulnerable, holding the person’s gaze to let them know you are holding on to every word, smile often at the dominant person, but not with the eyes
-Gestures: closed body, making the body small, arms are held in, motionless (reduces the chance of accidentally making gestures of aggression, shows you will be struck without fighting back), hand out and palms up mean no weapons are involved (pleading gesture), face touching and jerky movements (indicate tension and fear), sweating
Note: Body language can >>>
Repeat the message the person makes verbally
Contradict the message the individual is trying to convey
Substitute for a verbal message (ex. Talk with your eyes)
Compliment a verbal message, adding impact.
Accent or underline a message (ex. Pounding the table)
For each of the following, identify the message by body language and give the reason for choice.
1.
2. 
3. 
4. 
5. 
6.
7.
8. 
9. 
10. 
No comments:
Post a Comment