Tips to Make Your Writing More Journalistic; Peer Review & Editing

General comments about your articles (article #1):

• Give your article a title. Your title should, like your lead, involve the most important information in the article to follow. Often titles are also clever, playing on double-entendres, understatement or overstatement, and clever or witty word choice (diction). The purpose of a headline is to hook your potential reader into reading your article.
• Use paragraphs. Articles should be written in paragraph form.
• Each paragraph can also use a "lead" for that topic sentence.
• Use the inverted pyramid style (most important info comes first!)
• Write your sentences in ACTIVE voice (see tips below).
• Write specifics instead of generalities (see tips below).
• Avoid long, rambling sentences--don't bury the lead, or overcrowd the lead (see tips below).
• Avoid "backing into the lead" (see tips below).
• Don't ask questions--report answers! (see tips below).
• Do not include URL web addresses in your article. Attribute your sources instead.
• I don't need a "works cited" blurb--just attribute your sources!
• Introduce direct quotes or explain quotes if you use them. (see tips below). 
• Avoid using the pronoun "I"--this is not an editorial!

TIPS TO IMPROVE YOUR ARTICLE WRITING:

1.       Avoid overcrowding the lead.

Crowded MORTON -- Grant Zorn, a state trooper who investigated the crash at 3 a.m. Sunday resulting in the deaths of three Morton youths, said at an inquest Friday that William C. Libolt of Chillicothe, whose car ran over Larry, 7, and Martin, 19, told him he did not see Martin until he was directly in front of him, that he did not realize he was a person, but thought he was part of the car from which he had been thrown, and that he did not know he had run into him.

Better MORTON -- The driver of a car involved in an accident that killed three Morton youths Sunday says he did not see them early enough to avoid hitting them.

While you want your lead to answer who, what, where, when, how, and why--you shouldn't always cram all that information into one sentence. Think about what angle you want to present, decide on the most important information (is it who, what, where, when, how, or why) then use a lead of that type. Remember to keep your sentence active voice.

2.      Don't begin with a generality.

General Plans were being made today for doubling the capacity of the city's sewage treatment plant.	Specific Cost estimates and blueprints were being drawn up today for doubling the capacity of the city's sewage treatment plant.
General Work is progressing on a $107,000 complex of 11 tennis courts, the city Parks and Recreation Commission reported last night.	Specific Grading has been completed and fences installed for a $107,000 complex of 11 tennis courts, the city Parks and Recreation Commission reported last night.
General Professor Beth Carlisle spoke last night on the development of the French language.	Specific The purity of the French language spoken by Frenchmen themselves has deteriorated "profoundly" during this century, Professor Beth Carlisle told students at the monthly academic forum.

You want your writing to always be more specific than general. 

3.      Be wary of figures.

Before a crowd of 4,000, Fremont's Pathfinders trampled Roosevelt's Rough Riders 42-6 for the state high school football championship.

Figures must be placed in context. Is this a large crowd, or is the stadium only half full?

Inconclusive

Central High School's flood relief drive stood at $1,500 today.

Better

Central High School's flood relief drive stood at $1,500 today, 50 percent of the goal.

Also, don't slow the pace by overcrowding figures.

There are 3.5 million eligible voters in the state, of whom 1.7 million are over 18, yet only 391,000, or less than 25 percent, are registered to vote.

That's too many #'s for a reader to sort through in one sentence!

4.      Don't back into the lead.

Backing into the lead means the lead has not been written with the most important information first. In other words, the writer has not featured the feature. If a writer backs into the lead, the most important information is often near the end of the lead paragraph, when it should be first. Also, remember that news comes first, attribution second.

Not the greatest Dr. Robert P. Fowler, Southwestern University president, announced today that a medical school will be established on the campus next year.	Better A medical school will be established at Southwestern University next year, President Robert P. Fowler announced today.
Not the greatest According to Adm. Elmo P. Zumwalt, chief of naval operations, Navy seamen may henceforth sport mustaches, beards, goatees, flared sideburns and long hair.	Better Navy seamen may now sport mustaches, beards, goatees, flared sideburns and long hair, Adm. Elmo P. Zumwalt, chief of naval operations, announced today.

5.      Don't bury the lead.

Burying the lead is even worse than backing into the lead. Burying the lead means the writer places the major element several paragraphs down in the story.

Not the greatest

On Friday, May 19, and Saturday, May 20, the Valley League Championship Track Meet was held in Prarie Hill. Schools in the league are Monroe, Carlton, Williams, Newland, Littlefield, Evanston, Prairie Hill, and Corbett.

Prairie Hill's boys team placed third, scoring 103 points. Top scoring efforts on the team were put out by Tom Lawrence with 28.5 points and Syd Sidewell with 24 points.

The girls team placed fourth with 94 points. The girls team was strong in the distances with a one, two finish in the 1,500 meter and 3,000 meter.

Better

The boys' track team placed third with 103 points and the girls' team fourth with 94 points in the Valley League Championships held in Prairie Hill May 19-20.

6.      Avoid "question" leads.

The question lead is an overworked tool of the lazy writer. The reporter's job is to inform, not ask questions. The question lead works best if the article focuses on answering the question posed in the lead.

How can auto insurance rates be lowered? The answer to that question will be sought at a public hearing conducted by the state insurance commissioner at 7 p.m. tomorrow in the council chamber in City Hall.

It's also best if it can be answered quickly.

Will Riverside annex the Brockhurst subdivision? The city council decided last night that the answer is "No."

It can, however, be used quite effectively, often with a feature approach.

What is born in dung, makes love in flight, has no sting, and doesn't travel before 10 in the morning? The love bug, that's what. The pesky, little, windshield-smearing, radiator-clogging love bug.

In Florida and other Gulf Coast states, love bugs are a semi-annual nuisance. This year they are like a plague. . .

7.      Avoid quotation leads.

Quotation leads, too, are cop-outs by lazy writers. Quotations rarely capture the essence of a news story in a succinct manner. Occasionally, however, a quote can provide a powerful opening:

"Dying is beautiful," Lyn Helton confided to her tape recorder, "even the first time around, at the ripe old age of 20." She made the comments two months ago, as bone cancer sapped her strength.

For most instances, however, rather than relying on a quotation, a reporter's paraphrase can brighten, shorten and clarify what the source said:

Children are not cocktails that need shaking to be good, a physician warns.

8.      Beware of "phrase" leads.

Not the greatest

At a meeting of ASB officers yesterday, the president resigned because he plans to graduate and enter college early.

Better

ASB President Ken Marshfield resigned yesterday, announcing he plans to graduate early and attend college.

Story 1

Dr Michael Kai is a scientist with the Papua New Guinea Department of Primary Industry. He has been working for ten years on a project to breed larger pigs. One of his pigs, an adult male, has been weighed at 350 kgs. This is the heaviest pig ever to have been bred in Papua New Guinea. Mr Kai hopes to use this animal to breed other very large pigs.

Story 2

A school bus ran off City Road in Suva, narrowly missed an electricity pole and came to rest in a garden. Most of the bus windows were smashed. There were more than 30 children on the bus. They were going to Martyr School. It was a 36-seater bus. All the children escaped serious injury. Some of them jumped out of the bus and grazed themselves. Eye-witnesses said the children were helped from the bus screaming and shouting and in a state of panic. This happened this morning.

TASK: Peer Editing & Review: Complete your second article (task #5 from last class) before the end of 7th period. If you finish early, you can begin your revision with your partner. See below:

1. Choose a partner to work with today.
2. Use Google or print out a copy of your work for your partner. Exchange papers.
3. Turn in a copy of your first draft to me (task #5 from last class...)
4. Edit and mark up mistakes or weak sections of your peer's article. See my tips and notes from above and suggest changes/edits to your peer's article. 
5. When you have completed your commentary/peer editing, hand the edited copy back to your partner.
6. Revise and edit your second article (task #5 from last class). 
7. Turn in your REVISED copy by the end of period 8. 

If you finish today before the period ends, please do the following:

• Complete your homework (see below)
• Make up any missing work

HOMEWORK: Read the rules of ethics for journalists. Consider reasons why journalists should follow an ethical code. We'll discuss this topic next class. Also:

• Check out the news: BBC, CBS, CNN, Fox, or NPR; Compare the day's top news topics by checking the headlines for each of the five major news networks linked. On YOUR blog: note patterns (which news articles are carried by all of the networks, which ones are unique, which articles are only carried as top news on certain networks, etc.) What bias or pattern or observations can you make as an informed young journalist about the delivery of top news items for the day. [Please indicate the date and time that you viewed these 5 networks--stories in the news tend to change rapidly...]